If only I can earn more money...

If only I can earn more money...

And I thought to myself, my life would be complete and things would be really good. What would I do? First I will clear all my credit cards debt, then I can go buy that branded jeans that I've always wanted. Maybe a new laptop or drive a bigger car.

I do not have to suffer the week before pay day, which is a painful part of life that I dreaded every month. Sometimes, it was so bad that I had to borrow loose change from mom for bus fare or toll. Turning down supper invitation and pretended that I made other supper plans. At times, I even starved myself to survive the 'broke' week.

You can guess that the list will be never ending. And earning more would make me really happy and satisfied.

That was what I thought when I first started working.

Now my paycheck is more than triple of my first paycheck.

Do I have zero credit card debts? No, I have 5 times higher.

Do I have a pair of branded jeans? Yes, but 1 is not enough.

Do I have my dream laptop? No.

Do I drive a bigger car? Yes, a bigger Proton - nothing to shout about.

Is the ‘suffering week before pay day’ gone? No, it is still there sometimes.

Have I stopped borrowing loose change for the last 1 year? No.

Have I stopped turning down supper invitation because I’m broke? No.

Wait a minute… life isn’t all as good as I imagined. What’s wrong?

Well, it took me almost 10 years to realize that it is not about how much money I earn, it is about how I manage it.

Kid you not, I have friends that earn much less than I but own a property, drive bigger car and still have a delightful bank account balance.

How can this be? It doesn’t make any sense.

Then I realized, it is what I do with the money I earn that is important.

I feel really silly all these years.

If you promise not to laugh, I’ll tell you what my first job was. No, giggle is not allowed too. Promise?

OK.

I was a Financial Planner in a bank. Well, at least I’m seriously planning my own finances now.

It doesn’t matter how much you earn. If you do not know how to manage your money, you can still feel like a pauper.

So ladies and gentleman, manage what you have now, because life may not get any better by earning more.

Drama or Trauma?

As mentioned, I had written some 'Life Lessons'. Since I've got blog space up, I might as well share it. It is about the voices in my head on the day of a minor operation.

The diagnosis
It was on the 3rd of Dec 2008.
The moment started when I went to check on a lump I found. The doctor seemed like a very 'matter of fact' doctor with no nonsense. With that impression, I wasn't sure how am I suppose to react or feel. The word starting 'C' crossed my mind.


Isn't it strange sometimes we let what others expect rule our feelings? I heard myself asking 'Should I be worried? Or should I just leave it all to him since he is the expert?' To match his so called 'expectations', I prepared myself to be as cool as possible. (Like I've done this a million times)

Well, it was easy to act as though I wasn't worried, but I bet you, our mind would somehow find that little milliseconds of space to slot some 'what if' in it. I consciously controlled my mind from wandering off to think of the unnecessary.

To help myself, I allowed the message from ‘The Secret’ filled up my mind. I reminded myself that 'The mind is powerful enough to control anything'. I focused on what I wanted and whispered a little prayer. I trusted that the prayer had been answered and that I had it, even before it happened.

‘Fake it till you make it.’

Faking it
Coming back to meet the doctor with the ultra sound picture, was like meeting with my client. I strutted confidently. I drilled another thought in my mind, 'No expectations'

I heard him said that it needed to be removed ASAP. But I did not register much urgency in his voice. He probably thought it was harmless. Maybe the urgency was to reduce the risks, just in case. I smiled and casually agreed. The doctor even offered me a chance to ask any questions (maybe expecting me to ask the pessimistic questions) but my mind had drifted to think of what to prepare for the surgery. I occupied my mind with more useful information than negative thoughts or fears.

The best thing to think about is always ‘work’. Work had always made me felt better no matter how horrid or ill I felt.

Preparation for the ‘show’ turn sour
I took the trouble to look professional and nice (being a vain person - with nice manicure + pedicure, lip gloss). Checked myself in, get changed and put some decent undergarments. To my horror, the nurse informed me that I got to removed it all. ALL? My ears nearly fell off.
ALL = nail polish on my fingers & toes, lip gloss, and undergarments!!! What a nightmare!! (as if I’m a celebrity with a million paparazzi surrounding me) I couldn’t do much at that point, other than going with the flow. Maybe it was worth the effort to keep myself busy.

Balancing my fears
As my bed was being wheeled to the operating theatre, I felt my pulse increased, heart pounding, palm sweated and chilled. I remembered asking myself if I was nervous or afraid. I then realized that it was just fear for the worst. I faintly remembered singing worship song about no fear in God. Consciously, I reasoned to myself about having God and surrendered all to Him. If Jesus went through all the indescribable pain, not for himself or his sins, how hard can my situation be?


Quite instantly I felt my pulse becoming more regular and started to feel the ‘now’ moment. Who was around, where I was, if the temperature was OK. I succeed in not sympathizing with myself and just let go. I said a faith prayer rather than a hopeful prayer. I chose to because I wanted confidence.


The nurse asked me lots of questions with intention to help me ward off my nerves. At one point, I started to guess what the nurse was thinking. She must have thought that I was nervous and offered support. I played along. Then when the anesthetic doctor came, I told myself I’m just going to be unconscious and I would wake up after everything was over.

The Surgery
The last that I remembered was inhaling from the oxygen mask and feeling somewhat burning sensation under my wrist.

Unconscious…

I woke up to a tamil conversation between 2 nurses. I braved myself and asked for the time (I think), must have mumbled some funny things. The nurse told me that it’s over. I didn’t remember sleeping very long. Gee… that was fast. I think I asked for the time again, and I vaguely remember it was before 10am.

Becoming a HERO… not
I remember reacted in ‘I’m hero’ ego. I said something like, ‘oh… the surgery is over? OK, that’s cool’ Then I remembered trying to get up but I was groggy and felt nauseated after trying to speak too much. I decided to just let go and continued the rest in dreamland. I was then wheeled into my room. It was like in the magical world where I wanted to reach for my phone to calm others but not a single muscle twitched. They must have drugged me well for me to feel that way. I left that thought and try to sleep off the anesthetic. I guess I’m half a HERO after all because I managed to stay with myself, and kept myself calm and positive.

I made a drama out of my trauma.

Unfortunate event? Put on Captain Jack Sparrow's hat

Have you come across someone who tells you about their unfortunate life, but you think that it is just unnecessary stress?

I have such encounter many times. At times, I do not know whether to console or to burst their bubble and bring them back to reality.

I hope this blog would help you reflect on life and consciously choose to be optimistic.

Unfortunate event - flat tyre
Late one night, an elderly man had a flat tyre. He was lucky as he was 100m away from home, so he drove home slowly. He does not know how to change a tyre and didn't see that as his problem. It was late and he had work the next morning at 11am. (Free lance work, and gets paid based on assignment) He asked his daughter to fix the problem first thing in the morning, to which his daughter was unable to as she had committed to baby sit. She would however, be free in the afternoon to help. But it was not good enough for him. Why can't she just cancel her commitment to help her poor father?

He got stressed out and felt uncared for. Finally, he managed to nag his son to drive 10km to help him change his flat tyre. His son was reluctant in the beginning and suggested that he call his mechanic who is 500m away. To avoid an earful for the next 2 weeks, his son decided to help.

After replacing his flat tyre with the spare tyre, he realised that he needed to get a new tyre anyway. Feeling frustrated, he decided to cancel his work appointment to visit the tyre shop.

He grumbled about how his children do not want to make his life easier. He had to miss work, and spend money for a new car tyre.

He blame it on his children for not acting fast to avoid him from missing his work assignment.

Knowing his side of story, I wondered if he could have avoided the self-pity. Then I asked myself, how can he create a more positive experience.

Funny as it sounds, I sometimes like to imagine 'Jack Sparrow'; my favourite character in such situation.

Captain Jack would have work his mind on alternatives and such mishap happens all the time. He definitely had worse. Flat tyre is not like 1 in a million incidents. Therefore, there is nothing to be sad about. In fact, it is another reason for Captain Jack's new adventure.

He would call his mechanic or persuade someone to do so. If he doesn't have his number, he could use his compass as a guide. If desperate enough, he would trot his way to the workshop.

If the mechanic is busy in the morning, Captain Jack would make a proposal and negotiate. With his optimistic approach, he probably gets what he wants. Worst case, make a later appointment.

Now how do you think he would handle his work assignment? I'd imagine him cooking up an idea and sell it at a higher price with a later deadline.

Feeling uncared for? 'Do I care? Life is for me to live with adventure and fulfill my passion. But if I can get a bargain by allowing my children help at a later time, why not?' - Captain Jack Sparrow.

What do you think? As for me, I think putting on Captain Jack Sparrow' hat in any situation would tickle me and put a smile on my face. Life is not so bad after all.

Try it.

If you are wondering why I share such a petty incident and not a dramatic one; it doesn't take a dramatic incident for one to react in the same way.